Setting the Tone and Holding the Keys

Sheet Music with Roses

Growing up as a child, I always wanted to be a mom. My dream came true nine years ago when I first became a mother to my first daughter. Two short years after that my son was born, and then almost three years later my second daughter was born. Now, I am halfway through my fourth pregnancy and am looking forward to meeting my second son! Being a mom is an incredible blessing and responsibility!

I have learned so much from being a mom to my three children. I learned a lot about myself, some good things, and some not so good things. For example, I never would have thought that I was impatient…that is until I had my children! About 3 years ago, I had anxiety and fatigue take over me and it set the tone throughout the entire day! If I was rushed, ragged, and racing around, my children were the ones who felt it the most. The guilt that would come over me when I realized I wasn’t being the mom I wanted to be was debilitating.

Looking back on those days, I realized that I was suffering from complete adrenal fatigue, mixed with hypothyroidism. My adrenal glands were so shot (more about this later!), that they were almost non-functioning. Thanks be to God who led me to an amazing holistic doctor who helped bring my adrenal glands back to life! The difference in my attitude, my energy, and my patience is astonishing. I truly believed that I would somehow have to get through life dealing with debilitating exhaustion and extreme anxiety. Thankfully, that isn’t the case and I am a very different person now who can handle stress better and who isn’t suffering from extreme fatigue.

These times in my life have brought me to a realization that as a mom, I set the tone for our family. If I am doing well, it sets a pleasant tone for the entire family. If I am having a rough day, that also sets the tone. As a mom, I am the holder of the keys to change the tone of the day. This can be achieved in a variety of ways! Blasting fun, loud music throughout the house for an impromptu dance party; taking a walk to the park and collecting flowers along the way; and sitting together on the couch with a favorite book, enjoying the sounds and melodies of a well known tale. The tone may have been set by an unwanted attitude, but we hold the keys to change the tone and redirect our family to a different key!  {It is worth saying that we will always have days when things are tough, or when we are going through difficult circumstances. It is important to come alongside those who are hurting and sit with them in their hurt, be a support, and pray with them. It is important to have friends and family who will be there when times get tough. It wouldn’t be beneficial to force a change of tone if what is required is to have a time of expressing feelings, which will bring about resolution in the long run.} 

There are several strategies I implement to change the tone when my kids start off on the wrong foot.

  • I bring up what the word of God says about the fruit of the Spirit. I will ask different questions regarding what type of fruit can we work on in this situation. Usually it boils down to kindness or love. I avoid lecturing them about these things, but rather, ask thoughtful questions that get them thinking and lead to good discussions.
  • I try to engage them in something humorous that makes them crack a smile, despite their pouting face. This works best with my son who can’t help but laugh when I am trying to get him out of a bad mood! My daughters take a little bit more work, but usually laughter or a humorous story is what gets them to give up their pouty disposition and embrace the laughter and fun!
  • If we continue on throughout our day and things are still a little bit off with the tone of our family, I will usually get the kids outside, encouraging them to engage in an activities together (races, playing catch, riding scooters).

Resources:

Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel

Love and Respect in the Family by Emerson Eggerichs

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Change the tone of the day by: 

  • Reading books together!
  • Listening to music and having a dance party!
  • Playing a game like Twister, Hungry Hippos, or Jenga!
  • Going outside for a change of scenery and fresh air!

Takeaways:

  • Mom’s hold the keys and set the tone for the family!
  • Embrace each day with laughter, a cheerful heart, and with joy!

 

 

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